You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
