yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
