just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
