dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
