The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
