masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
