Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
