guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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