I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize