just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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