Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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