just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
