I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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