What did we do last night that was yellow?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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