If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
