that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
