Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
