Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
