After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch