i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.