If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.