yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know