I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
