i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
