This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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