he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
