Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
