I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
4 words: hood of his car
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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