i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
