Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Randomize
