I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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