This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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