"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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