Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
