But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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