Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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