Tell her she can't have a vagina
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
