I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
