dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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