i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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