Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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