I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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