I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
