it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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