We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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