AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
