remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
