I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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