And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
