You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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