All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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