Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
