just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
