i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
