at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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