Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
