all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
