Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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