I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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