I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
