New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
