can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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