I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
