I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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