i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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