We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You dont lie about slip and slides
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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